“Is he the right one for me?”
Almost every woman, at some point in life, asks the same question.
While dating is all about finding that person, marriage is more like working with that person like a team.
And if you want to kill it in the game, you’d better know your partner well.
What you don’t know may come back to haunt you in the next few decades.
Before we drop you all the questions to ask before you get married, there’s one thing to we can’t emphasize enough:
Someone that deserves your love would not mind to talk things through.
So don’t be afraid to ask!
If you’ve been dating and you’ve have good communication, lots of the questions down bellow should not be difficult to answer. If not, this is the perfect time to talk openly.
8 Self-questions To Ask Before Marriage
1. "Are we best friends?"
Not every couple fall in love as friends. But those perfect ones find a way to be each other’s bestie.
Research has shown that couples that are in happy marriage spend more time talking with each other, explore new things and new places together.
2. "Can we open up to each other and talk things through?"
Is there any “taboo” in your relationship?
Is there anything he avoids to talk about with you?
If the answer is YES, you may have to reconsider before getting married.
In order for a marriage to work, couples should be able to talk about sensitive things like money, sex, extended families, etc.
A high-level mutual trust is a major sign of a healthy relationship. If he trusts you, trusts your judgements and your ability to handle problems, there’s no reason that he’ll be hiding things from you.
3. "Does he treat others well?"
Probably not one of the typical questions before marriage.
Think it this way: you want to marry something who is caring and will show you love and support for the years to come.
It may be difficult for you to figure out judging from your experience and your feelings because he will always show his “good side” in front of you.
That’s why it’s necessary to observe how he’s been treating others, especially those he doesn’t really care about.
Are they showing respect to waiters, cashiers and others who’ve served him?
Is he able to stay cool while being annoyed by terrible traffic, telephone operators or anyone who’s in his way?
Take some time to observe and note down the answers in your mind. These are the moments that may reveal one’s true characteristics.
So watch him, and you’ll know how he’ll be treating you after you’re married.
4. "Is he loving me for who I am?"
There will be people that love you for who you are already. And they will be people that enter a relationship or marriage trying to change their Significant Other.
It’s not a bad thing to push each other forward. After all, we all want to be a better person for those we love, right?
But if he’s trying to fit you into his mold and being somehow judgmental, then 1) he may be a narcissist; 2) you may not be that “perfect person” for him. Either of these reasons will be putting great pressure on your shoulder to meet his standards.
So ask yourself these questions before saying nodding to his proposal:
“Does he think I’m beautiful the way I am right now?”
“Does he think I’m good enough for him?”
And it is the same in the other way around. Don’t say yes to the person kneeing in front of you with the hope that he will be “better” somehow.
The perfect couple always respect and appreciate their true selves. That’s what will be keeping the knot tight for years to come.
5. "What are his life priorities?"
Before you decide to marry someone, make sure you share similar core values of marriage.
For example, if he’s a man that values family and would love to have kids ASAP, this is something that you should know.
There will be men that focus more on personal development and adventures than on family life.
They may be spending more time on work, travel, and experiences rather than Family Sundays.
There’s really no right or wrong when it comes to someone’s core value or one’s life priority. But it’s definitely something that you should be aware of before saying “I do”.
So how to know if he’s the one before getting married? If you are not so sure about his life priorities, have a heart-to-heart conversation with your future husband. Try asking these marriage questions:
“How do you imagine our marriage be like in 5 years?”
“What are your dreams for our lives together?”
He may give you an immense picture of perfect life. But if you follow him carefully, you’ll see what he’s putting on the table first. Those things are usually the most important to him.
At the end of the day, the one that you should marry should have a set of values that you share or appreciate.
That’s what’s going to lay a solid foundation for a healthy and strong marriage.
6. "Do I find him physically attractive?"
Physical attraction is an essential part of marriage that shouldn’t be under-estimated.
No one wants to live a boring and plain sex life for the next 40 years or so. A healthy relationship should be full of passion and eager for each other.
With that said, it doesn’t mean that you should base your decision solely on physical attraction.
Whatever is going on physically is meant to be an expression of something deep that is happening on the emotional and spiritual level.
The rule is – make sure that physical attraction is there, but don’t get swept away by it.
7. "Am I feeling happy with him?"
This is the most important yet obvious answer you should have. A mature and loving partner is going to spoil you with care, compassion, kindness and a whole lot of love.
But other than all the good qualities, there will always be something in him that makes you TICK. The very thing that makes you smile, makes you laugh, and makes you happy.
8. "Are we financially on the same page?"
Be noted that the engagement ring and the grand wedding are only the beginning of big expenses.
It’s not easy to talk about money when you are still dating. But for the relationship to go further, it is something that you can’t avoid.
There are some basic questions that you may already have the answer even without asking:
Is he a spender or a saver?
Is he financially preparing for the future family?
You don’t need to have the exact same saving plan as a couple. But for a marriage to work, both of you should contribute to it, not one paying all the bills while the other spending all the money on oneself.
In the long-run, communication and compromises are the two things that will secure the financial base of your family as well as your marriage.
So there you have it.
Before saying “I do”, take some time to ask yourself these questions. Make sure to talk with your partner for things that you are uncertain about.