Are they committed or just looking for fun? Here are the signs of a situationship to have a clear clue of your relationship status.
You have been seeing someone since last month. A movie night together feels as romantic as an actual date. You hug each other and kiss goodbye.
But in your head, there’s a question you can’t answer: are we dating? If not, what are we now?
If you can put a label on your current relationship status, there’s a chance that you are in a situationship.
What is a situationship
Situationship is the combination of two words: situation and relationship. It refers to the state where two people are more than friends but not committed partners.
In some cases, a situationship will turn into a serious relationship. After some time together, the two know each other better and decide to take one step forward.
But more often, situationships remain the same or even die with time. They confuse one person, wondering where the relationship is heading. And sometimes, one may choose to leave, leaving the other person completely clueless.
If you wonder whether you two are on the same page, here are some signs of a situationship to look out for.
Signs of a situationship
More than friends
What keeps a situation going is mostly the fun and the good company. If you are in a situationship, most likely you enjoy being around each other. Either it’s in person or via text messages, you know that they are more than a crush. The feeling is mutual.
You may not see each other often or constantly text back and forth. But when you do, it feels like he/she has always been there in your life. You are more than friends, but not lovers yet.
“It’s complicated.”
You have hung out a few times, and your friends know about this new person. So they ask you the question: what are you two now? And you can’t seem to answer. Instead, all you can say is, “it’s complicated.”
You may not be sure if you are ready for a serious relationship. Or maybe you are uncertain if the other person is up for commitment. Either way, you can’t define the status. And that is a clear sign that you are in a situationship.
Inconsistency
Hitting off right from the beginning can send mixed signals. But feelings may blind you from seeing the whole picture.
The magic of oxytocin doesn’t last forever. When things start to cool down, you may find yourself getting ghosted. They don’t text you back as soon as before. And you spend less time together.
These are proof that they don’t see you as a potential partner. That’s why they don’t make continuous efforts to keep you in their lives. You may miss them, but they treat you like you are disposable.
You don’t talk about the future.
Marriage, kids, and finance are the topics that couples need to talk about. But not so much for a situationship.
If you are in a temporary relationship, the future is taboo. They avoid talking about their plans because they don’t see you two together in 10 years. And all they want is the enjoy the moment.
You never met their friends or family.
If you are not in or even close to their circle, they are not treating you like a serious relationship.
It’s ok if you two just met and dated for a few weeks. But if you still feel excluded from his life after being together for months, it’s time to reset your expectations.
They are seeing someone else.
In a typical monogamous relationship, the two are exclusive to each other. In a situationship, however, you may find them dating multiple people at the same time. It’s a clear indicator that they are not ready for commitment. And they might just be looking for fun or an open relationship.
How to deal with a situationship?
If you fit into most of the signs of a situationship, here’s how to deal with it:
Keep it going
A situationship is only bad when the two of you are not on the same page. But if both of you are satisfied with the current state, then no worries.
But if you are ready to take things seriously but put you on hold, you might need to think about your choices.
Know what you want
Before you try to pull an answer out of someone’s mind, ask yourself these questions:
- Are you two compatible?
- Are there any red flags?
- Do you share each others’ views on marriage, family, money, and so on?
- Do you see yourself being together in 5 years, 10 years, or even longer?
These questions will help you figure out whether they are the right ones for you. If not, maybe it’s better to keep things this way and see how it goes. In the presence of major red flags, consider calling it a quit.
Talk about it
It’s not easy to ask someone if they are ready to date you officially. But you’ve made an effort to keep the relationship going. And you deserve an answer.
Schedule a time and place where you two can talk without interruptions. It’s better to communicate in person than via texts. This way, you have a clear view of their facial expressions and their tones, which may say a lot more than words.
Tell them how you feel.
“I am confused, and I want to know what we are.”
“I have feelings for you, and I am not sure if you feel the same.”
It may feel uncomfortable to ask the hard questions. But it’s better than wasting your time watering the dead plants.
Move on
Letting go is difficult, especially when you have developed feelings for someone. But if a serious, committed relationship is what you are looking for, you need to first clear some space for it.
First thing first, make things clear. Tell them that you want a real relationship that they can’t provide. Be honest and straightforward.
Then delete their contacts. Unfollow them on social media. It’s for the best that you keep them away from your life.
Be patient
Leaving a situationship can be as hard as healing from a breakup. The process isn’t linear. You may encounter lots of back-and-forths. So don’t force yourself to get over in one day. Talk to a friend or a therapist if needed.
