Personality Types In Relationships – What I Wish I Know Before Dating

“Is it just me or is it everyone else?”

I guess you may have asked yourself the same question at a certain point of your life, especially when you are dating.

When we are getting so close with another individual, chances are you are going to discover the HUGE difference between the two of you.

You love to cuddle and he’s not a hugger. He never says “I love you” but would surprise you with chocolate and roses.

Sometimes it’s so easy for us to assume that if he loves you (enough), he will do XYZ. But that isn’t necessarily the case. We all have different personalities and everyone express affection in different ways.

In this post, we’ll dig a little deeper of how different types of personality cope with each other in a relationship. 

Table Of Content

• 
  What I Wish I Know When I Dated This Guy​
  
• 
  What Are The 16 Personality Types?​
  
• 
  Why Should You Care Anyway?
  
• 
  The Love Language Of Different Personality Types​
  
• 
  Resources
  

Growing up, I was never the most outgoing kid in my class. When I started dating, it kind of hit me from time to time how exhausting dates could be.  

Back then, I have no idea about personality compatibility or what so ever so I made all the decisions purely based on “advice” and my own instincts.

What I Wish I Know When I Dated This Guy

I used to date a guy that is super nice, super energetic and super extroverted. 

He always told me how much he loved to hang out with me and would drag me to scavenger hunts in different cities (yes, with a painful ton of traveling). 

He was spoiling me with a massive dating schedule and surprise gifts every now and then.

But all these are suffocating me. I have asked a bunch of my friends and also my mom for advice and they all came to the conclusion that I was not loving him enough.I mean, it seems fair right? If you love someone enough, you are more than ready to fill all the time slots in your agenda with him/her, right???At least at that time, I didn’t have any second thought about this. So I chose to leave him and it broke both of our hearts. 

Since then, I have been seeing other people, introverts and extroverts included. 

The more that I date, the more that I realize we all have different dating styles. 

It’s not really about love. 

It’s just the way we prefer to spend our time with another person.

Dating should be about both people having fun and enjoying each other’s company. Nobody should suffer. 

But if their dating styles are going way too far against one’s personality, all these supposed-to-be sweet moments may come back and haunt the relationship.

I knew I had to do some “inner work” before I move on to someone else. I need to understand what is causing the different standard and preferences in dating. 

I ran a personality type test and get to know that I am an INTJ. (if you are as well, let me know in the comment so I know I am not the only one alive:( )

It turned out that, I may be one of the introverts of introverts. 

As far as the report showed, constant interactions with another human being (or a crowd of human beings) will somehow drain my energy. 

I will need time to recover and recharge before re-engaging with another human being. 

That explains why I was always feeling exhausted after a date night out and why sometimes I would rather make up some lame excuses and stay at home than pushing my lazy self out my bedroom door.

Giphy

So now I know instead of doing everything I ever did, I should make it clear to my Significant Other about my “me-time” obligation. 

By doing so, he will know that I am not deliberately distancing myself. 

I also stopped blaming myself or anyone. 

It’s no one’s fault. We are just different. 

But I wish I know all these earlier and that’s why I have decided to write this post to share with you how not to lose someone you love because of misunderstandings and misinterpretations. 

Where To Take The Myers-Briggs Personality Type Test

▶︎ If you are still thinking about which type you or your SO belong to, check out Personality Hacker.

They have one of the best evaluation systems on the Internet and a starter kit to get to know yourself deeper and maximize your potential.

What Are The 16 Personality Types?

The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (also known as MBTI) was founded by a psychological theorist named Katharine Briggs.

She was wondering why she made most of her decisions based on her feelings and intuitions while some other family members seemed to do it based on logic. 

So together with her daughter Isabel Briggs Myers, they conducted numerous research and interviews.

Finally, they were able to categorize human characters into 16 basic types, and each can be classified by 4 different letters:

1. E or I: Extroverted or Introverted: Do you recharge your energy by spending time with others or being alone?2. S or I: Sensing or Intuitive: Do you value the actual facts or possibilities?3. T or F: Thinking or Feeling: Do you make decisions based on logical thinking or your instincts?4. J or P: Judging or Perceiving: Do you decide or keep your options open?

* What does each letter mean in the Myers-Briggs Types? 

With these 4 letters, together we have 16 different types of personalities. 

Knowing which area you fall into may help you to understand your relationship with your spouse, your Significant Other, your family, your friends, coworkers and more. 

You will also understand the mechanics behind their words, decisions and behaviors. 

As a matter of fact, reports have shown that each year, there are 2 million people all over the world taking the Myer-Briggs Personality test and the system is helping people to debunk relationship myths and live a better life.

Why Do You Need To Know Your Type?

Understanding how different types of people express love and gratitude is crucial in our relationship. 

Different types of people process information and express their feelings differently. 

For example, I myself as an INTJ, I seldom verbally ask anyone about their feelings towards me. 

It puts me in a very uncertain and insecure position (which we hate probably more than anything else) and that’s what an INTJ would want to avoid (at all cost).

But because we approach love and affection in a different way, it doesn’t necessarily means that we are not engaging and devoting enough in a relationship. 

If we misinterpret the love languages of different personality types, it may cost us constant fights, doubts or even sabotage our relationship.

The Love Language Of Different Personality Types

Here’s a chart showing you how the 16 personality types ask for affirmations of love from our Significant Other:

 ☛ Related reading: 4 Couple Quizzes To Help You Understand Each Other Better

Sum It Up…

There is a reason why more and more people are putting their personality type on their online dating profile. 

A comprehensive self-awareness can save us so much time and hassle.

Resources

︎● If you want to know more about how types express love and act differently in a relationship, I recommend you check out this Podcast on PersonalityHacker. 

● They also have an in-depth program explaining how to create an amazing and long-lasting relationship with other types. 

If you have doubts about your current relationship or have trouble communicating with your spouse, this program may be a great help for you.

Hope this post can help you to understand better of yourself in a relationship and enjoy the power love brings us. 

Happy dating!